If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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