My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
