You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
