I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
