I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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