On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
