im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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