i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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