If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
