i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Help. Why am I so naked?
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