what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
