Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
