I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just invented taco cereal.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think your dad took our porno
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
