You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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