the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
