I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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