first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
