I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
