I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
