im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
