You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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