You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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