dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize