he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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