I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What a dumb baby whore.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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