be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize