that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
