Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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