I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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