She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize