do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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