But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
