I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
