As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sext me about skeletons
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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