Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
