fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
