Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
