Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
