The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
