his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
