Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Drunk is a universal language darling
false alarm, still single
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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