have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize