i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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