am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
