I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
