so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
not ubering you a puppy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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