Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
