I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
