I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
