After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
