He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
