His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
