I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
