well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
