I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
