YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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