Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize