I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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