Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
