so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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