That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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