On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
