I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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