This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
