She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
