so that wasnt chicken after all
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
