You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize