I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
