I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
