You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
