4 words: hood of his car
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
