oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
