took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
