Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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