When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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