I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
