smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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