They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
