Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
