He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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