How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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