apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
