I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
