Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
