dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
