She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
