You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
