well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im six kinds of drunk right now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
