She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
