the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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