It's Friday. Sex?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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