There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
