Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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