I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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