I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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