Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
