are you still at the devil's house?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
